


a bunch of cruddy todobaku one shots

by Ihatethisgeneration



Category: Boku no Hero Academia
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, College, M/M, One Shot, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-07 21:42:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19858471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihatethisgeneration/pseuds/Ihatethisgeneration
Summary: todobaku, because i have nowhere else to vent my idea.





	1. Chapter 1

It was FUCKING hot. Abso-fucking-lutely BURNING. But, NOTHING, was going to stop me, Bakugou Katsuki, from passing out my damn flyers. The polar bears were dying, goddammit.  
So there I was at seven o'clock in the morning, because I am responsible enough not to be fucking late. Anyway, there I am shoving papers into any students' hand, and down any asshole's throat. Again, the damn polar bears were DYING. So, there I was minding my own business, until HE came around.

Peppermint.  
Icyhot.  
Half'n Half.  
Canadian Flag.  
Todoroki Shouto.  
Whatever you called the guy, he was there and he was an asshole. I don't know him personally (I don't fucking want to), but his snarky attitude and dead fish eyes are enough to convince me that Todoroki is not the princely, pretty boy everyone makes him out to be. Seriously. People treated him like royalty. Everywhere he went there was a flock of people trying to get his picture, or sit with him, or get his number, the likes. It didn't help that apart from his "princely" looks, he was the son of Endeavour, the richest guy in pretty much all of Japan.  
But I'm not fooled.  
He may be hot, rich, and one of the top five students, but never, not even once, did the guy ever pick up any flyers.  
The bastard was loaded and didn't even give the damn polar bears a chance. The only upside to global warming and all the shit is that Todoroki Shouto will finally pay for his ignorance, I hope he fucking burns.  
Todoroki may have never touched a flyer, but that changes today, the last day for donations through this shitty school, I swear, today is the day I get Half'n Half to notice the polar bears. I don't give a shit about what it costs. I will buy a FUCKING polar bear and shove it up his ass if that's what it takes for him to notice them.  
ANYWAY, bullshit aside, it's hot, I'm passing out my flyers, and Icyhot is approaching with his posse.  
It's TIME.  
I may not have a polar bear to shove up his ass, but I am an asshole with an obnoxiously loud voice. So I'll just scream at him until he notices...  
Or not...  
D A M M I T  
I WAS TOO FUCKING BUSY BEING A GENIUS, I DIDN'T FUCKING YELL AT HIM LIKE A JERK.  
...  
PLAN B  
Shove flyers into every available space of his.  
__________________________________________________________

Plan B hasn't been working too hot..  
The bastard is so FUCKING oblivious he doesn't even notice the tons of flyers pouring out of his locker, or piled and his desk, and just keeps throwing them away.  
GODAMMIT I'LL THROW HIM AWAY IF HE DARES TO SULLY MY FUCKING AMAZING FLYERS THAT WAY AGAIN.  
__________________________________________________________

ITS FUCKING DISMISSAL AND FUCKING CANADA S T I L L HAS NOT EVEN NOTICED THE IMPORTANCE OF THE PAPERS HE KEEPS FINDING EVERYWHERE. EVEN HIS SHITTY POSSE HAS NOTICED, AND THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE SO OBLIVIOUS THEY FOLLOW HIM AROUND LIKE LOST SHEEP.  
LOST  
FUCKING  
SHEEP  
FOLLOWING AN EVEN MORE LOST SHEEP  
DAMMIT.  
I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE PLAN  
C O N F R O N T A T I O N  
NEVER AGAIN WILL HIS OBLIVIOUS ASSHOLERY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY OBNOXIOUS ASSHOLERY.  
D I E. P E P P E R M I N T B I T C H  
__________________________________________________________

He is finally alone. :)  
IT'S TIME, BITCH  
"HEY HALF'N HALF"  
"..."  
"GODDAMMIT, TAKE A FUCKING PAPER, PEPPERMINT BITCH"  
"You're Bakugou Katsuki, the one who talks about global warming and passes out those?"  
"YEAH NO SHIT. Like you would know, you don't even give a shit about all that."  
"Actually, most of the time, I'm a little bit preoccupied with the horde of people around. Besides, I was kind of hoping you would confront me..."  
WHAT THE FUCK  
AND THE BASTARD WAS FUCKING SMILING  
WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE WANT ME TO CONFRONT HIM. I AM A FUCKING LOUD, SCARY ASSHOLE.  
Oh shit, he was talking again.  
"...pretty cute and very passionate"  
What the fuck was he saying??? Was the bastard fucking blushing?  
"Though, I have a strange feeling you hate me."  
WELL HELL YEAH  
"...Are you going to say something?"  
"What the fuck?!"  
DID HE JUST FUCKING SIGH AT ME  
"I like you, you're handsome and passionate despite your bad mouth. Can we exchange numbers? I'd like to know you better"  
WHATSHWHWTAYSWHYSHAAYAHAGAAGGAHWASHIITTRTTATWH  
"Fucking, whatever."  
WHY IS MY FACE ALL FUCKING RED  
AND IS THIS BASTARD FUCKING... asking for my number?????  
"Thanks, I'll text you! Bye"  
"Yeah, uh, fucking bye, I guess"  
DID I JUST GIVE THAT BASTARD MY PHONE NUMBER!!!!!!!!  
FFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFFUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK  
__________________________________________________________

LITTLE DOES THAT BASTARD KNOW I NOW HAVE THE POWER TO SPAM HIM!! THE POLAR BEARS WILL FUCKING LIVE!!! SUCK IT ASSHOLE  
__________________________________________________________

EPILOGUE  
After a few weeks of texting back and forth, and relentless flirting, Bakugou may have discovered what the whole school likes so much about the cheeky peppermint bastard.  
Another new development, besides Endeavor Corp. becoming a sponsor of global warming research, is that Shouto and Katsuki (as they call each other) may have become a bit of an item and pretty much the talk of the school. But, to Katsuki, the important thing is that the polar bears are a step closer to safety. Perhaps, also the fact that he and his boyfriend are very much "in like", but he won't ever admit that.  
THE END


	2. Cars and Hospital Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bakugou is a terrible driver, but maybe hitting that guy wasn't all that bad...

_*SCREECH*_

"FUCK! OOOWWWW" Bakugou was not in the mood for this.

It wasn't his fault he woke up late (his "friends" decided to s tay up until 12:00) and Shitty Hair needed to be dragged out of bed and smacked until he returned to the living. It was all Shitty Hair's fault Bakugou was speeding to get to work reasonably in time. It also wasn't Bakugou's fault some dumbass peppermint decided to jump in front of his car. 

At least Bakugou wouldn't have to go to work.

Although, that policeman didn't look too happy...

________________________________________________

After the ticket payment, a bunch of calls from Shitty Hair and the rest of the little shits, and a call to his boss, Bakugou finally got to go yell at the little fuck who caused this whole mess.

Well, that's what was supposed to happen, until he was told no one was coming to visit the guy, and that the guy had three broken ribs, a concussion, and a broken arm...

Yelling at someone in that position would be outlandish. Bakugou was an asshole, but he wasn't a douchebag.

So, after all the doctors cleared out and the guy was stable Bakugou decided to drop off some chocolate he got from the hospital. (He may feel a little bad, but not bad enough to buy this nerd a bunch of useless shit like flowers.)

The guy was up and not happy. 

Although, admittedly, it was kind of hard to tell, the guy had one of the best poker faces Bakugou had ever seen.

And, also on the subject of admitting stuff, the guy was hot.

His hair was really fucking weird, half red and half white, and his eyes were all fucked up too, a gray and a blue one, and he also had some weirdass Zuko scar, but somehow he didn't look not hot.

All in all, it was a lot to take in, a hot guy Bakugou just ran over with his truck, drugged to oblivion, alone in a hospital room with Bakugou... (minus the nurse by the doorway, but, whatever)

Now what.

"Fucking, HI, I guess"

Oh, fuck, the guy looks high as shit.

"..."

"I'm the asshole who ran you over with a fucking truck."

"..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, so sad. How about next time, you don't fucking run in front of any moving vehicles, huh!"

"..."

"OI, WHAT THE FUCK. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ASLEEP, ASSHOLE"

"Sir, it appears Mr. Todoroki has fallen asleep, maybe you should try coming back tomorrow. Visitor hours are 6:00 - 9:00."

________________________________________________

Well, after being kicked out of the hospital, Bakugou decided that that 'Todoroki Shouto' asshole needed to learn a lesson on not being FUCKING rude, as in falling asleep while people are talking. High or not, it's fucking rude.

And so, Bakugou resolved to come back after work the next day, not that he cared, it was just pitiful that Peppermint didn't have any other visitors, and his manners were that fucking bad.

________________________________________________

Of course, the moment he got home after work, (he went after all the business at the hospital, although, he would never make that same mistake, again) Shitty Hair was at the door like the shitty roommate he was, waiting to pounce on Bakugou the moment he entered the room.

"Bro, why did I have to learn from freaking Kaminari that you called off work? What the heck, dude? That's totally unmanly!"

"FUCKING DUNCE FACE!!"

"Chill out, broski, Kaminari's a top bro"

"Yeah, but you definitely wish you were topping him..." Bakugou muttered, and it was true. Bakugou was up to heaven and above with all of Kirishit's pining after the stupid, fucking Pikachu.

"What was that??"

"FUCKING NOTHING!!!!! Look, Shirty Hair, I ran some asshole over and had to fucking go and see the little bastard."

"YOU RAN SOMEONE OVER!!!!!! OHMYGOSH, WAIT UNTIL ASHIDO HEARS THIS!!!!!"

"OH MY GOD, BAKU, YOU RAN SOMEONE OVER!!!!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS TAPEWORM DOING HERE!!??"

"O my gosh, that was in kindergarten, why do you still call me that???"

"BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FUCKING MOVE ONE FROM BEFRIENDING YOUR MOM'S TAPEWORM, AND CALLING IT FREDDY!!"

"But, that was in KINDERGARTEN"

"Oooooooh, I hear yelling!, what's the tea boys?!!!"

Great now fucking PINKY was here!!

And of course, she brought the fucking dunce, who was already drooling over Kirishima's shirtless form.

Great. Now all the fucking "Bakusquad", as they called themselves, were here. Bakugou often wondered why he let these fuckers in his house, and why he let Kirishima be his roommate, and how the whole "Bakusquad" somehow had a key to the house, and why he always cooked for them and... wait. How DID they have keys to his house??? And why???

Thinking back as to why on earth past Bakugou would've thought giving the shits keys, Bakugou can remember far too many incidents in which his clothing has gone missing and someone else, namely Pinky and Dunce, would show up wearing that same thing... WHAT THE FUCK!!!

HAVE THEY BEEN FUCKING STEALING HIS CLOTHES??!!!

WAS HIS HOUSE SOME SORT OF DAYCARE TO THEM!!????

WHO DID THEY THINK THEY WERE??? 

STEALING HIS CLOTHING AND EATING HIS FOOD???

Oh, fuck, they were looking at him.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT??"

"DINNER!!!"

Fucking pigs, but he loved them anyway...

Wait, what.

________________________________________________

After dinner, and another internal crisis on Bakugou's part, Raccoon Eyes had finally been told the tea (very reluctantly) she ever so craved for, accompanied by a major freak out, and Tapey had finished his (BAKUGOU'S) game of Mario Kart. Finally, they were leaving, so Bakugou could finish his internal crisis right, dramatically, with music, and a monologue. 

Anyway, they were all fucking gone, and Bakugou could finally rest. 8:37 is a time Bakugou will definitely be regretting the next day...

"SAYONARA, LAND OF THE AWAKE" 

"Bro, shut up!"

"FUCK YOU'

________________________________________________

Like he thought the night before, 8:37 p.m. was a far too late hour to be awake at. Nevertheless, Bakugou went through his day smoothly, all his work was done, and he only yelled at the newbie four times, a job well done.

Now, however, was the time Bakugou was dreading. It was time to see...

The Peppermint.

________________________________________________

Honestly, it wasn't as dramatic as Bakugou made it sound.

Bakugou just walked in, Half'n Half was awake, they talked (argued) for about an hour about the Zuko-knockoff's manners and common sense, until Bakugou received a text from Shitty Hair and decided he had been there long enough.

And that was it. 

Problem resolved.

No reason to go back to that shitty hospital.

Except, of course, that Half'n Half thought he was better at Crossy Road than him. So obviously, Bakugou would have to go back the next day and preserve his title. 

________________________________________________

Of course, Shitty Hair was fucking obnoxiously observant and noticed that Bakugou was an hour later than usual. 

Because, of course, Kirishima worked night shifts, and was able to keep track of Bakugou's entire schedule.

And, of course, he texted the rest of the nerds, asking where Bakugou was, and sent them all in a frenzy, calling the police, printing missing signs, and, of course, calling his old hag, who was two cities away.

What in the absolute fuck was wrong with these people.

They "squad" even decided to call the rest of their old alumni class over.

Which, of course, involved: fucking Deku and his minions, the Emo/Goths, the good purple guy, Hayley Kiyoko, Snow White, The Sugar Daddy™, French Fry, Tails, and Invisibitch.

So, of course, everyone met up at his house, "looking for clues" (trashing it) and ended up making it a whole high school reunion, including dinner, before deciding that texting Bakugou and asking where he was might be a good idea. 

All of that within the hour and a half he was gone.

Now, of course, everyone wanted to know why he was late, and he had to tell the whole story of running someone over, the tickets, visiting the stupid bastard, and now checking in on the shit again.

Of course, he didn't get to tell most of the story, seeing as Pinky decided it needed more 'flavour'.

Basically, all the little shits knew about the Bastard, they were at his house, having a sleep over and cookout, and Bakugou had to stay up until 11:00 (yep, you read right.) to make sure no one blew up the house.

In the end, it wasn't worth it, and Bakugou was dead on his feet before anyone even thought about going to sleep.

Fuck Deku

________________________________________________

The next day, was hell.

Bakugou, as in Bakugou "caffeine is for cheaters" Katsuki, actually had to partake in the coffee buying ritual of all the other mid-20 year olds, albeit, through many hours (two) of contemplation and three cold showers.

Finally, (since when did he look forward to it?) It was time for his visit.

________________________________________________

Peppermint was the same as yesterday, they bickered for a bit, until the Bastard decided to ask why Bakugou was so sleepy. 

That shit better be prepared for a ten page long essay.

________________________________________________

"So, your friends all came to your house, and had a reunion, made dinner for you, and stayed up until 11:00, not even midnight, and this is how you are?"

"SHUT UP, 11:00 is late, I only got seven hours of sleep!!"

"Woooooow, ONLY seven hours?"

The Peppermint was smiling, he had wayyyyy too much material to bully Bakugou with.

"Fuck. You."

"You wish"

"AGAGHAGAHAAA"

And then the nurse walked in and had Bakugou banned for the day for being too loud.

Piece of shit.

________________________________________________

Thankfully, when he got home, it was only Kirishima. Although, he was pretty sure invisibitch was in one for he cabinets, and maybe dunce was in the broom closet, and Round Face was on the roof, but Bakugou would take what he could get.

Either way, there was no police, and Bakugou may or may not sneakily made extra food for the shits and been on his way.

Although, it was at 7:00 p.m., in the middle of dusting and pretending he didn't know Kaminari was right behind him, when Bakugou realized he never got to prove to Half'n Half that Bakugou was better at Crossy Road.

Guess he'll have to go tomorrow.

________________________________________________

It had been a week, and Zuko was being released from the hospital.

It was kind of weird, to walk in there and walk Bastard out.

To drive Todoshit home.

And exchange numbers, to prove he was better at Crossy Road, of course, they would have to have a tournament, eventually.

They never had a tournament in the hospital, not because Bakugou was a coward, but because his visits were usually to talk, and tell Todo about his life, because apparently, it was just that exciting.

Although, it wasn't always about Bakugou's life.

The day before had been an afternoon Bakugou would never forget.

In which Todoroki finally delved into why no one but Bakugou visited. 

Why Todoroki was the only one of his family in Tokyo. (He ran away)

Why he ran away from his father. (He was an abusive asshole)

Why his mother never came. (She was in some hospital, somewhere, he had no idea)

Why his siblings never visited. (One brother had died, the other was over seas, and his sister was still at home)

Why he had been rushing the day of the crash. (He was being followed by one of his father's cronies to try and get him to come back and inherit his father's business)

Although, what Bakugou learned that day wasn't all bad. He learned Todoroki's favorite food (cold soba), that he liked winter over summer, he was a writer under the name of Horikoshi (his manga series was about a high school for superheroes, and was soon to be an anime)

And one of the most important things Bakugou learned: he didn't keep going back to visit so he could beat him at Crossy Road, he actually really liked Todoroki.

And also, Todoroki really liked him back.

He didn't really know what they made them, but as he pulled into his driveway, he felt lighter than air...

Walking to the porch felt like flying...

He opened his door with a smile on his face...

Until he smelled the burning scent of eggs, the smoke in the air, and the fire alarm going off.

COULD HE HAVE JUST ONE GOOD, FUCKING DAY.

Now he really wished he took Todoroki up on that offer to stay for dinner, instead of being a nice person and coming home to make his friends dinner.

________________________________________________

An hour later, and much screaming, Bakugou was sitting at his singed kitchen table, with a broken stove, takeout, a sore throat, and his nerds, telling them about Todoroki.

Which was a bad idea, seeing as they were all batshit insane, had cars, and were all fucking stalkers who somehow got Todo's address.

Poor Todoroki was going to be in for a big one.

________________________________________________

As expected, the meet with Todoroki was completely unexpected, minus a few frenzied texts from his nerds to Todo. (how did they get his number?)

In the end, when everyone was seated and conversation was in full sway, Bakugou didn't miss the fact the Todo was right next to him on an empty couch.

The smile on his Peppermint's face may have been why the Bastard wasn't on the floor...

"HEY, YOU TWO SHOULD KISS"

"DUNCE FACE" "KAMINARI"

However mad Bakugou was, he had to admit, it wasn't a bad idea...

But that would come later, for now, Bakugou was enjoying sitting on Dunce Face and watching Todo laugh.

For now, Bakugou was content.

________________________________________________

And then, Bakugou woke up, full of confusion and almost half expecting to find a text message from Peppermint.

He almost felt sad, until he realised the time.

"FUCKKKKKK" 

He was going to be late!!

SCREW THE LAWS, HE PAID FOR THIS ROAD, HE WAS GOING TO GO HOWEVER FAST HE WANTED.

Until he hit someone.


End file.
